-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
| 44410 | STU_RSFURR   | STORIES              | 12/15/92 | 12/22/92 |     4    |
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| Description: another holy war                                                |
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(The following is in reference to one of mistah lawd's recent
postings in RELIGION. If you don't understand this posting, and
you haven't read his posting, go and read it. If you don't understand
this posting, and you _have_ read his posting, good.)
 
 
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
Apparently Paul Lord is up to his old tricks, again, and we, the
loyal and true believers, must TAKE ARMS against this heretical foe
of all that is good, true, and right. Woe is us, woe is us, for Paul
Lord IS the demon among us, who is spreading devestation LIKE a
chaotical mustard ACROSS the Mandelbrot Pretzel of our lives!
 
For he, again, HAS quoted in depth and expanse, a FRIGHTFUL and
SCARY text the likes of which HAS not been seen OUTSIDE of the
list of INGREDIENTS of a COMMON SNACK FOOD, the name of which I
WILL NOT reveal AT THIS TIME.
 
His discussion of the TWILIGHT crossing should ALERT even the most
dimwitted of LOYAL FOLLOWERS (and not-so-loyal LEADERS, and LOYAL
leaders, and not-SO-loyal followers, and all COMBINATIONS thereOF)
to a FOUL and FIENDISH plot! Beware, beware!
 
For HE, in choosing to post about this DARK CROSSING, has decided
to LAY ASIDE the BOUNDS of proper cookery!
 
"Cookery?" I hear you ask. Yes, cookery, for, if WE look past the
misspellled names of GRECIAN, THRACIAN, MINOAN, and PHOENICIAN
GODDESSES and GODS, INTO the very heart of the CODE that he used,
we discover DIABOLICAL recipes, recipes which, if followed, would
produce that most EVIL of foods, the PRETZEL!
 
Lo, we observe, in his posting, he discusses the TWILIGHT CROSSING!
The twilight crossing? Could he have been more blatant? COULD he
have been more OBVIOUS? I think NOT!
 
He is referring to the COOKED PRETZEL! YES! the COOKED PRETZEL!
The pretzel begins as an innocent loop of dough, but when it is
placed into the depths of the earthen oven (the UNDERWORLD of
MISTER Lord's posting, no?) it becomes DARK! CRUNCHY! We are
given specific TEMPERATURES, for the dates he mentions are not
dates at all, but merely ENCRYPTED NUMBERS, which, when properly
decoded, give us the temperatures "375", "450," and "325." It is no
coincidence that "Pretzel" and "Hekate" are such similar-sounding
words! No! Not at ALL!
 
He continues by mentioning (and urging) the overthrow of the ESTABLISHED
WORLD ORDER, which is easily decoded into the WORLD HEALTH FOOD MARKETING
SYSTEM! Granola, gorp, and grapes are NOT biologically COMPATIBLE with
PRETZELS, therefore they must be eliminated from the EARTH!
 
Woe, woe, that we should be forced to deal with Mister Lord's
attempt to urge pretzels upon us. Yea, it is a dark and sad day
when a graduate student must resort to SUCH TRICKERY to urge the
creation of vast numbers, indeed, a veritable ARMY of pretzels!
 
Lo, we are saddened.
 
But all is not lost! We may STRIKE the foul Paul Lord down! We may
CAST him into the PIT OF FIRE, or, if a pit of fire is not readily
available, we may CAST him into the SWIMMING POOL, which we would
have cleverly filled with quick-setting KNOX GELATIN, so that he
would BOUNCE FOREVER upon a VAST WASTELAND of unflavored GELATIN!
 
My brethren and sisthren, let us TO THE GROCERY STORE to PURCHASE
our UNFLAVORED GELATIN!
 
     let us make small "whoop"ing noises.
     the rgt.hon.rev.ronin