-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages --- | 44422 | STU_RSFURR | STORIES | 12/15/92 | 12/22/92 | 28 | -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | Description: memorex | ================================================================================ Memorex a play. sort of Cast: Stage Manager Electrician Gaffer Understudy Linda Stage Hand #1(Jim) Stage Hand #2(Bob) Stage Hand #3(Godzilla-Head) Stage Hand #4 Sound Tech * Playwright * Producer As the audience comes in, the house lights are up and remain up until the end of the play unless otherwise noted or specified in the stage directions. The castmembers marked by a * are sitting in the house as follows: The Playwright is sitting center front, with notes and a clipboard in hand. The Producer is sitting with one seat between him and the Playwright, and anyone who attempts to sit in that seat will be informed by the Producer that the seat is reserved. The play begins approximately five minutes after the announced time. Overly loud music comes through the sound system for a very short time, then is replaced by loud static, which continues for a second. (or at least the time required to turn down the volume and insert another tape.) Finally, moderately loud "elevator" music is heard for about ten seconds, and cuts short in the middle of a note. Sound Tech comes out through the curtain, and traces a wire along from the corner of the stage to behind the audience. After reaching the back wall, he stands up, runs back to the stage, goes backstage, and reappears with a short cable in his hand, which he takes back to the back of the theater. He works there for a moment, and runs backstage. Soon, the elevator music is heard once again. The music continues as the lights dim, and the curtain is raised. When the curtain gets about half-way up, it stops suddenly, as if it hit some sort of knot in the rope. The stage half-revealed shows an early Victorian sitting-room. The stage should only be half-lit,with half of the furniture in the room of normal construction,and the other half should be of balsa-wood or fragile construction, of the sort that can be picked up and used to hit someone over the head without risk of injury. The music stops, and the lights come back up. Stage Manager comes out on stage. He should be tall, thin, in torn and grease-spattered jeans, and a vest of some sort. He should be holding a clipboard and a flash- light in one hand, brushing the half-raised curtain out of the way with the other. Stage Manager Uh, hello. We seem to be having a few (at that, a sound of breaking glass comes from the wings. what caused it should not be visible to any of the audience.) Stage Manager (winces) ...a few problems with tonight's production. We apologize for the delay. We should be starting soon. (he turns and runs under the curtain towards the wing that the sound came from. Before he gets there, he trips and falls down. He lies there for a second, then gets back up slowly, scowls, and walks the rest of the way. He remains visible, facing off stage.) Stage Manager I thought I told someone to tape that wire! (Electrician steps out of the wings, looks at the ground where Stage Manager tripped) Electrician I did. Stage Manager (looks himself.) Oh. Okay. What happened? (Electrician takes Stage Manager by the shoulder, leads him out onto the stage a short way.) Electrician You know that dress frame they used in the last production? The one nobody knew where to put? Stage Manager Oh, christ. Electrician Yeah. Jim and Godzilla-head were moving the mirror stand out of the way of the ladies' dressing room, and we had to move the dress frame so we could get to the curtain pulls, and... Stage Manager So dump the damn thing in the pickup and tell Godzilla to get a broom. How are we going to do the mirror scene without a mirror? Electrician Beats me, bwana. Stage Manager Okay..let's see. Get one of the stage hands to see if anyone has another mirror for tomorrow. For now... is the backing still there? Electrician uh... (cranes head, looks off stage) yeah, it is. Stage Manager Okay, get, uh...get somebody to go to and get some aluminum foil, put that in the frame, use the duct tape. (Understudy storms across the stage, going from wing to wing.) Stage Manager Geez, what's her problem? (looks at the audience) whoops. (Understudy returns, carrying a pot of some sort of cold cream, in one hand, held stiffly in front of her face. She stops near Stage Manager) Understudy I'm going to kill her. I really am. (Understudy continues into the wings.) Stage Manager Argh. Okay, go get that done, I'll start getting the set finished. Oh, and get the curtain down? Electrician Okay. (Electrician returns to the side of the stage he came from, Stage Manager goes off stage in the other direction. A short pause, then the curtains are pulled all the way up. Stage lights come up, on full brightness. A short pause, and then one of the light flys is lowered onto the stage. Gaffer comes out. He is wearing thick sunglasses and carrying a box of replacement spotlight bulbs. He counts along the lights to about halfway along the fly, then waves to someone in the wings. The lights go out, and he unscrews one of the bulbs, making gestures and noises as if it were very hot. Once it is out, he screws a replacement bulb in. As he is doing that, Jim and Godzilla-Head come out carrying a heavy mirror frame with aluminum foil replacing the mirror. They do not see the fly lowered, and accidentally bash into it, setting it swinging, at first, away from Gaffer, but it swings back and hits Gaffer in the chest. He loses his balance, falls backwards, and lands on a table, which should be of the breakable kind. He sits there in the wreckage looking dazed, as Jim and Godzilla-Head put the mirror down and walk off stage, Jim tripping at the same place Stage Manager did, Godzilla-Head stumbling but not actually falling over Jim. Jim looks annoyed, as Godzilla-Head helps him up. They go off stage momentarily, then Jim returns with a roll of duct tape and proceeds to elaborately tape the cable down. As he finishes, he notices the fly swinging. He goes over, stops its swing, and leaves.) Gaffer oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................... (Stage Manager returns to the stage carrying a box of small props, which he absentmindedly places on various tables, seats, and shelves on stage. He hands one to Gaffer, who blearily takes it, and holds it. Stage Manager does not notice this. Electrician runs on stage, skids to a stop in front of Stage Manager.) Electrician We've got a problem! Stage Manager What? Electrician Mary was up checking the primary speakers and then the ladder came away from the wall and broke in half! Stage Manager So? Electrician So she's stuck up in the rafters with no way down! Stage Manager oh. uh...any ideas? Electrician we were hoping you had one. (Sound Tech/Mary's voice comes down from the rafters.) Mary Don't worry about me. There's enough space up here for me to sit for a while. Get the show running and I can get down between acts. Stage Manager (to Mary) You sure? Mary Yeah. I'm fine. Stage Manager Okay, so there's no big rush. Let's go see this ladder. (Stage Manager hands Gaffer the box of props, apparently not noticing that Gaffer is Gaffer, and goes off stage with Electrician. Meanwhile, the fly is retracted.) Mary Hey? Hey guys, I just had an idea! (pause) Guys? oh, well. (pause) Anybody on stage? (pause) (With that, Mary swings from a cable from the stage left. She clears the floor, and the swing continues until she disappears from view above stage right. Then the audience sees her hands and head hanging above the stage, facing back towards the rear of the stage. A short pause, then) Mary okay, so, that didn't work. (Understudy comes out, obviously fuming, grabs one of the props out of Gaffer's box, and stomps back off stage. Her voice carries from off stage.) Understudy Okay. Here. Now, you want anything else, you damned well can go and get it. Understand? Good! (Gaffer finally seems to be able to stand, and he unsteadily does so. The flat standing right behind Gaffer is suddenly punched from behind, and falls directly onto Gaffer. The flat should be slit so that he should come through the flat as it falls. Gaffer sits back down, looking upset.) Understudy (The audience can see that she was the person who punched the flat, as she is standing in the resulting hole.) She makes me so MAD. (Understudy stomps off. Stage Manager comes back on stage, climbs off stage, and talks to the Producer for a little bit. The Playwright bends over to hear. Then all three get up, and go back stage. As they climb up on stage, Stage Manager looks confusedly around, then up at where the curtain is retracted to. He shakes his head and then continues on back stage. The three Stage Hands(Jim, Bob, and Godzilla-Head), come on stage carrying portable room dividers, which they place across the stage. They do not have enough to cover the stage, only two, so they put these covering the wings. During this, Gaffer is removing the flat, and cleaning up the broken table. He sets the flat back in its place, where it falls backwards, and picks up the prop box. He then walks, unsteadily, off stage, tripping at the same place the others did. The Playwright, Producer, and Stage Manager come back on stage. Stage Manager pauses, while the other two return to their seats. Understudy walks out, annoyed again.Mary's head and hands rise from view.) Understudy Am I her servant? (pause) Am I? Stage Manager uh...no.... Understudy Is it a tradition for understudies to do everything that the person they're backing? Stage Manager not that I know of? Understudy Then why is she so privileged? I've been doing this just to keep the peace, and do you know what she wants now? Huh? She wants me to go and get her homework from her house! Stage Manager ah... Linda (from off stage) And while you're out, go by McDonalds and get me a quarter-pounder, too. Understudy See? Why the hell did she get cast? She's not talented, she's impossible to work with, and she can't even act! Stage Manager Remember the first director? Harry? She was his girlfriend. Understudy oh. (Electrician walks back out, and trips on the same cord. He frowns, turns around, and comes out with a LARGE roll of duct tape, and puts about fifteen layers of tape over the offending cord.) Understudy Well, can't we dump her? Stage Manager no can do. Her name's in the Program. Understudy So? Stage Manager Besides, the Playwright likes her. Understudy Okay, hold on. (Understudy climbs down off the stage and goes to talk to the Playwright. This continues until she has lines again.) Electrician Things working out yet? (The lights go out, the sound system delivers a whopping loud blast of static, another more flats fall, and two chairs explode.) I guess not. What the hell is happening? (runs off stage) Stage Manager I don't know. (shouts up to Mary) Mary!? What's going on up there? Mary Sorry! (Stage Manager does a double-take, as Mary's voice comes from the opposite side of the stage that he expected) I tripped! Understudy (comes back on stage) Okay, it's cleared. She's off the production. Stage Manager What? Understudy I got permission. Can I tell her? Stage Manager Uh...sure. I guess. Understudy Great! (Runs off stage towards Linda's voice.) (pause) Linda What? WHAT? I'M OFF? NO! THIS WAS MY BIG CHANCE TO BE A STAR! I'M GONNA KILL YOU! KILLLLLLLL! (The Stage Manager stands in the middle of the stage, head in his hands, facing the audience.) (The song "Reach Out and Take It" by Cheap Trick begins playing. Understudy runs across the stage, pursued by Linda, with a knife. Then Linda runs across stage, pursued by Understudy with a bigger knife. It switches back and forth with a bigger knife a machete a sword a chainsaw (running) a small pistol a larger pistol a rifle a shotgun a machine-gun being carried by the pursuer.) Meanwhile, the three Stage Hands run across stage in utter fright, each tripping in the same place as everyone else has. All lights in the house go out. Smoke begins billowing out from where they ran from. What appears to be light from electrical sparks comes through the smoke. A very charred Gaffer staggers onto stage with a maniacal grin on his face. Red and orange light, as if from a fire, starts showing from there, in addition. A strobe light flickers on the other side. Electrician comes out with a bull horn Electrician Uh...hello? Due to forseen circumstances, we won't be able to continue with tonights performance. The fire department HAS been called, and the explosions probably won't reach the gas main. If anyone sees a snake anywhere in the house, don't be alarmed, it won't bite you if you don't step on it and there is a poison control center within five minutes of this performance. (A large boom comes from off stage. Linda and Understudy should just be reaching the shotgun-automatic weapons stage.) Er, thanks for coming tonight, folks. (A strobe light starts up directly behind the Stage Manager, this continues until everything stops, which is about ten seconds from Electrician's final words.) All lights go out.