-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
| 44447 | STU_RSFURR   | STORIES              | 12/15/92 | 12/22/92 |     3    |
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| Description: sermonity ii                                                    |
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Brethren, it is with a heavy, and overpriced heart (or is that hearth.
i can never remember. the one that's not on fire.) that I come before
you today. (Actually, I'm not sure exactly where I am. More news on
this as events warrant. Warrant? I'm under arrest? wait..nononononono.
where was I? Oh yes...)
 
It is with a heart priced at $19.95/lb that I come before you today.
 
brethren and sisthren, the world shall end soon.
 
yea, all the bits of it are about to be deposited in the great Lost
and Found of Space, right alongside that damn robot. We are about to
see the last episode of "Harry and the Hendersons," and we must begin
to close up shop, we must begin to sweep under the tables, empty
the ashtrays, and put the chairs on the table. A properly-kept-up bar
is essential for a good End of the World, you see.
 
Yea, there shall be woe, and devestation, horror and agony. Four horsemen
shall be hit by semis on I-81, and the seals SHALL be broken, and taken
to Ringling Bros./Barnum and Bailey Circus, WHEREUPON they shall be TAUGHT
to play RUDE TUNES on various WIND INSTRUMENTS! The RAPTURE is coming!
The RAPTURE is coming! One if by sea and two if by C-Minor! BEWARE all
music! Fear music! Fear ALL music except, possibly, the occasional
Talking Heads tune, or even, dare I suggest it, a few harmonious yodels
pealing from the Alps.
 
YOU may ASK why the End of the World is imminent!
 
all right, go ahead, ask.
 
come on, then.
 
i'm not going to sit around HERE all day and wait for you to ask,
you know.
 
    *hmmf.*
    go ahead, then.
    here I am trying to organize a good end of the world, and YOU don't
ask why it's imminent. that's gratitude for you. Oh, suuuuure.  I'll
just go over here and stand in a corner, then.
 
*sniff*