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| 44442 | STU_RSFURR   | STORIES              | 12/15/92 | 12/22/92 |     3    |
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| Description: possession                                                      |
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Are you currently possessed by the devil?
Have you ever felt compelled to defile holy places?
Do you laugh loudly and unceasingly when the Pope
is on television?
 
If so, WE HAVE THE CAREER FOR YOU! Yes! We, the
forward-looking staff of E.S.C. would like to
give YOU the opportunity of a lifetime!
 
You see, television evangelism is one of the most
exciting growth industries in America today! New programs
appear every day, and the demand for the basic requirements
of a evangelical television program is growing steadily!
So, we at the Evangelical Supply Center decided to
provide everything that an evangelist needs! Our keen
and vigilant staffers have been instrumental in developing
the advanced, high-capacity hair spray dispenser, for when
the entire backup choir needs to freshen their hairstyle!
We are the sole suppliers of the Insta-Pulpit TV Set-In-A-Box,
and we were the leaders of the in-house telephone
switchboard revolution!
 
But now, E.S.C. is expanding into personnel! Yes!
Our goal is to provide _everything_ a TV evangelist needs,
from TV equipment to pastel suits and dresses!
 
And that's where YOU come in!
There is a national shortage of possessed people. Evangelists
are crying out for a assured supply of these poor people.
Every program needs AT LEAST one person suffering from
possession PER WEEK, and we predict the demand to increase!
 
So, if you're possessed, give us a call! Our excellent pay
scale includes free medical and dental insurance, all travel
expenses covered, AND a starting salary of $30,000 PER YEAR!
(with GUARANTEED PAY RAISES after the first year!)
 
Don't think of possession as a problem...
think of it as an opportunity! (and call TODAY!)