-- Num ---- Username ---- Category ------------- Posted -- Expires --- Pages ---
| 44406 | STU_RSFURR   | STORIES              | 12/15/92 | 12/22/92 |     2    |
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| Description: how to confuse your dog.                                        |
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  Today's top ten list, from the home office in Gary, Indiana
 
                         How to Confuse Your Dog
 
10. Get a subscription to "Veterinary News Weekly."
 
9. Put a can of cat food and a can opener in his food dish. Tell him "you're
   on your own." and leave the house for a couple of days.
 
8. Wander around the house with a stick clenched between your teeth. If the
   dog approaches, back away and snarl.
 
7. Pour wet cement in front of your door, just before the dog asks to go out.
 
6. Pretend to be a Senate investigative committee. Ask your dog if it is now,
   or ever has been, a Golden Retriever.
 
5. Mix "Nair" with your dog's flea dip.
 
4. Get another dog. Refer to them both by the same name.
 
3. Bronze all your dog's chew toys.
 
2. Measure the dog's nails daily. Grow excited at their length.
 
1. Wire all the fire hydrants near your house to high-tension lines.